The Question

“D’you think it followed us home?” She hoped that in the asking, the question would shrink like a deflated balloon and leave her alone at night. It did not. It climbed out of her mouth and stood between them, licking it’s lips and grinning wickedly. Her brother shrugged and she marveled. She had heard his breathing thicken beside her own in the stomach of night. But he lifted his brown shoulders as if his eyes no longer filled at the site of the stake in the yard.
“F’it was gonna eat us, it would’ve already.”
“Maybe the goat escaped.” she said.


~ by ifindthisamusing on July 2, 2008.

One Response to “The Question”

  1. I love the image of the question climbing out of her mouth.

    ‘deflated’ should be ‘deflating’ to make it more active. it fits the flow.

    ‘stomach of night’ is awkward to me. i think learning to write is a lot about leaving out stuff that is ‘overdescriptive.’ I like the line ‘She heard his breathing thicken besides her own.” just ending like that. Or maybe something correlated, like “in the night air.”

    These are thoughts because its good, not because it sucks.

    Love you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: